Saturday, September 27, 2008

Kamelot - Epica

Kamelot is a progressive/symphonic power metal band from Tampa, Florida. So far they have released 8 studio albums, 1 re-issue, 2 live albums, and one live dvd. The vocal force behind Kamelot, Roy Khan, joined the band after 2 albums. Their 6th and 7th studio albums, namely, Epica and The Black Halo are the only "concept" albums. Both are based on Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe's "Faust". The plot is almost the same (not disclosing), the characters name changed. The whole story is divided into two, hence the two concept albums. Epica seemlesly blends into The Black Halo. I tried my best to interpret the whole thing. Some parts I couldn't. :S

Epica

Characters

1.
Ariel - Also known as Faust. In Kamelot's world, Ariel. Now, Ariel is a scientist/researcher/philosopher I believe. He seeks answers to questions which science and religion have failed to give. He seeks the universal truth. And also, he is God's favorite man.

2.
Helena - The only girl Ariel has ever loved. She is everything that's good and pure, personified.

3.
Mephisto - An archangel cast out from Heaven. When God ordered all the angels to bow before mankind, Mephisto refused, for he was only loyal to God. He yearns to be with God now.

So here it goes, song by song. Hope you enjoy. Make sure you go through the lyrics.

1.
Prologue (1:07)

No lyrics in here. An eerie track. Sort of spooky. Couldn't make out anything. In Faust's prologue, God and Mephisto make a bet. If Mephisto can take the soul of Ariel, God's favorite man, he will be granted a place in Heaven. But if he fails, he will be condemned to hell forever.

2.
Center Of The Universe (5:27)

Move slowly
Beyond the colors of my eyes
Move slowly
Into the corners of my mind
Rising like the Pegasus
Each and every one of us
Released
Islands in the sea of dreams
Always searching harmony
And peace

All we find
Reject our mind
Don't you wonder why

If the war by heavens gate released desire
In the line of fire someone must have known
That a human heart demands to be admired
Cause in the Center of the Universe
We are all alone

Show me sign of paradise
A place we all would like to go to
Tell me what to sacrifice
So there's a chance for me to want you

All I find
Reject my mind
And I wonder why

I have a tale to be told won't you listen tonight
Follow me into the core of the fountain of light
Try to imagine that hope is our ship for the soul
(Over the ocean the quest of your life lies ahead)
Maybe together we'll find there's a place for us all
(Follow the star in your mind, sail along sail along)

Interpretation :

In this song, we are introduced to Ariel's thirst for knowledge, his "always searching" mind.

Islands in the sea of dreams
Always searching harmony
And peace

A dreamer. Searching for answers.

If the war by heavens gate released desire
In the line of fire someone must have known
That a human heart demands to be admired
Cause in the Center of the Universe
We are all alone

He believes, at some point, at the verge of death, someone must've known the truth. "In the line of fire someone must have known". In his homeland, the center of the universe, without the truth, he feels alone.

Show me sign of paradise
A place we all would like to go to
Tell me what to sacrifice
So there's a chance for me to want you

He's willing to sacrifice anything to go to that place, to know the truth.

I have a tale to be told won't you listen tonight
Follow me into the core of the fountain of light
Try to imagine that hope is our ship for the soul
(Over the ocean the quest of your life lies ahead)
Maybe together we'll find there's a place for us all
(Follow the star in your mind, sail along sail along)

Here he decides that the answer is not in his homeland, but somewhere else. The lines in ( ) are sung by a female. And she tells him to go on a quest, a journey, to seek the truth.

3.
Farewell (3:41)

Winter's close...and the mountain high
I'll start my journey now
On this planet we call Earth we belong
I want to know
Why did God make me feel
There is more to be answered
Maybe God cannot remedy
Our souls if he tried
I seek peace of mind at least
And to know I did my best
I will pray for those I have loved

I must take your farewell
Carried by destiny
Bound to obey

I must take your farewell
Trails of discovery
Lead me an ocean away

No one holds the only truth in his hand
So who am I
To defy even God
In quest for a reason
There's no time to waste I'm afraid

I must take your farewell
Trails of discovery
Lead me an ocean away
So far away

When the tide is high
I won't dwell or wait no longer

Interpretation :

In this song, Ariel sets out on his journey, and bids farewell to everyone he has known. And also rejects God.


Winter's close...and the mountain high
I'll start my journey now
On this planet we call Earth we belong
I want to know
Why did God make me feel
There is more to be answered
Maybe God cannot remedy
Our souls if he tried
I seek peace of mind at least
And to know I did my best
I will pray for those I have loved

Ariel sets on his journey/quest right before winter. He wonders why God made him feel that there is more to be answered in this life. He sets out on the journey, leaving everyone behind, even Helena. "I will pray for those I have loved"

No one holds the only truth in his hand
So who am I
To defy even God
In quest for a reason
There's no time to waste I'm afraid

He rejects/defies God, for God has left so many questions unanswered.

I must take your farewell
Trails of discovery
Lead me an ocean away
So far away

When the tide is high
I won't dwell or wait no longer

The final goodbye. He sails on.

4.
Interlude I (Opiate Soul) (1:10)

An instrumental with some italian gibberish and Ariel trembling, cold most probably. I couldn't understand. One thing I could. "Opiate Soul", the title. An Opiate is a drug derived from the Opium plant. So during his journey, he turns to herbs/drugs. How do I know? Track number 5.

5.
Edge Of Paradise (4:10)

Sleepless
Not really quite awake
Where the soul conforms
To deeper needs
Free within frames of custody
I revolve my spirit and exhale

On the edge of paradise
Poison burning
In my veins
Unavailing...compromised
My dreams remain the same

Soothing but yet so violent
In this world within the other world
Moonlight...in visions...heaven sent
I see demon eyes and wings unfurled

On the edge of paradise
Poison burning
In my veins
Unavailing...compromised
My dreams remain the same

On the edge of paradise
Powerless
I sail on by
Undermining life itself
My will to wonder why

Interpretation :

Ariel, tired of the fruitless journey, turns to herbs/drugs. And under the influence of these drugs, he sees Mephisto, just a vision, he still isn't sure though. And he has no idea about the bet. Hopeless, he still seeks the truth.


Sleepless
Not really quite awake
Where the soul conforms
To deeper needs
Free within frames of custody
I revolve my spirit and exhale

Clearly, he's high. "Sleepless. Not really quite awake".

On the edge of paradise
Poison burning
In my veins
Unavailing...compromised
My dreams remain the same

Poison be the drugs here. The drugs in his veins. But still, his dreams, the universal truth, remain the same, unfulfilled.

Soothing but yet so violent
In this world within the other world
Moonlight...in visions...heaven sent
I see demon eyes and wings unfurled

Here, Ariel encounters Mephisto, just a vision though. Mephisto seems soothing, yet so violent. More like an evil angel. "Heaven sent, Demon eyes, wings unfurled."

On the edge of paradise
Powerless
I sail on by
Undermining life itself
My will to wonder why

He stills want to know the truth. And he sails on.

6.
Wander (4:24)

I recall one summer's night
Within the month of June
Flowers in mahogany hair
And smell of earth in bloom
Only such a melody
Comes without a sound
More than faintly heard by those
Who know what they have found
Now it's just a memory

Silently we wander
Into this void of consequence
My shade will always haunt her
But she will be my guiding light

Silently we wander
In search of truth and confidence
So many hopes were lost here
Along the way
From morning to night

Meet me by the wishing well
In cover of the moon
Whisper to me tenderly
That I will see you soon
Sing that song from long ago
So I remember you
Flowers in mahogany hair
And mellow days in June
Only for the memory

From ashes we were born
In silence we unite

Interpretation :

Ariel, alone and hopeless, reminisces about Helena. He gives up his search. And prepares to take his own life.


I recall one summer's night
Within the month of June
Flowers in mahogany hair
And smell of earth in bloom
Only such a melody
Comes without a sound
More than faintly heard by those
Who know what they have found
Now it's just a memory

Ariel talks about the time he spent with Helena. And the love they shared. "More than faintly heard by those, who know what they have found". But now, in his darkest hour, it's just a memory.

Silently we wander
Into this void of consequence
My shade will always haunt her
But she will be my guiding light

He wanders, hopeless and aimless. He thinks about her all the time. "She will be my guiding light"

Silently we wander
In search of truth and confidence
So many hopes were lost here
Along the way
From morning to night

Same thing, but then again, he also knows that the path is difficult. "So many hopes were lost here"

Meet me by the wishing well
In cover of the moon
Whisper to me tenderly
That I will see you soon
Sing that song from long ago
So I remember you
Flowers in mahogany hair
And mellow days in June
Only for the memory

One word. Longing. He's dying to get back to her. "Mellow days in June"

From ashes we were born
In silence we unite

This is where he prepares to take his own life.

7.
Interlude II (Omen) (0:41)

A very soft and mellow instrumental, thunders in the background.

8.
Descent Of The Archangel (4:36)

(((Mephisto)))
Speak my friend
You look surprised
I thought you knew
I'd come disguised
On angel wings...in white
I can make
Your dreams come true
What a couple...
Me and you
On journey through the night

I will show you everything so vividly
You can't deny me

Bathed in moonlight
I'm proclaimed by angels cry
Think well
Do take your time
Because your soul
Will be mine the day you die

Name a pleasure
One...a few
Any form
Of lust in you
Will tremble at my touch
I come down from heaven's light
I have all the perfect alibis
There's so much...

Call my name or carry on
Till that last resistance' gone
I'm sure we'll meet again

I'm your true disciple
When the flesh desires
You won't deny me

Interpretation :

This is Mephisto's song. His descent. Here, he tells Ariel that he can make his every dream/wish come true. But only at the cost of Ariel's soul. He gives him time to consider the offer. But he's sure Ariel will agree. Close your eyes and listen to this song, and you can really see Mephisto's descent.


Speak my friend
You look surprised
I thought you knew
I'd come disguised
On angel wings...in white
I can make
Your dreams come true
What a couple...
Me and you
On journey through the night

Here we see Mephisto trying to convince Ariel that he can make his dreams come true. "I thought you knew", in reference to Edge Of Paradise. Mephisto seems all so angelic here.

Bathed in moonlight
I'm proclaimed by angels cry
Think well
Do take your time
Because your soul
Will be mine the day you die

Mephisto talks about the deal here. He will fulfil his every dream/wish. But once Ariel dies, he will keep his soul. Gives him the time to think.

Name a pleasure
One...a few
Any form
Of lust in you
Will tremble at my touch
I come down from heaven's light
I have all the perfect alibis
There's so much...

Mephisto is still trying hard to convince Ariel.

Call my name or carry on
Till that last resistance' gone
I'm sure we'll meet again

Resistance here refers to Ariel's hesitation to sign the deal with Mephisto.

9.
Interlude III (At The Banquet) (O:31)

(((Ariel)))
His invitation was clear
I shut my eyes...and now I'm here

(((Host)))
Please make way,
our host is making his entree.

Interpretation :

Ariel is sort of transported to Mephisto's palace/castle. The whole mood of the song is upbeat, joyous types."His invitation was clear, I shut my eyes, and now I'm here"


10.
A Feast For The Vain (3:58)

(((Mephisto)))
Everyone is here
The feast can soon begin
Vanity we celebrate
My favourite of sins

(((Ariel)))
Chandeliers so grand
That heaven sees the shine
And my friend declares
Everything I look at could be mine
It's a miracle
Life till now has been a waste
You have proved to me
By your hand I'm truly graced
Unbelievable
Gold and glitter blinding me
So adorable
All these women from my fantasies

(((Mephisto)))
Come with me my little ones
Let's revel for the free
Raise your glass and praise the fact
How easy life can be

(((Ariel)))
In the splendour of the night
I've found company
Once again I feel that life's begun
All the wrongs seem to be right
Drowned in ecstasy
Every star is like a newborn sun

May the life I knew be gone
I accept the deed
But one point we have to modify
If I wish to linger on
In a state of still
Only then I'm yours the day I die

Interpretation :

Mephisto's castle. So full of everything. All the worldy pleasures. Ariel is definitely awe-struck. Everything just seems so perfect. Ariel accepts his offer. But he makes a modification, a change. If at some point, at some moment, he feels that he has found the answer, the truth, and he wants to stay in that moment, then only he will give his soul away. Mephisto agrees.


Chandeliers so grand
That heaven sees the shine
And my friend declares
Everything I look at could be mine
It's a miracle
Life till now has been a waste
You have proved to me
By your hand I'm truly graced
Unbelievable
Gold and glitter blinding me
So adorable
All these women from my fantasies

Ariel is truly awe-struck. It's a miracle. Women, gold and glitter. It's everywhere. Everything that he ever wanted.

May the life I knew be gone
I accept the deed
But one point we have to modify
If I wish to linger on
In a state of still
Only then I'm yours the day I die

Ariel accepts the offer/deal. But modifies the deal a bit. If he wishes to stay in a moment, where he'll find his answers/truth/happiness, then only Mephisto can have his soul. Mephisto agrees.

11.
On The Coldest Winter Night (3:58)

I am breathless,
Need I say
How could you find me here?
You, of all, have crossed my way
Unexpectedly...from where?
I feel like I am dreaming
Hold me close,
Tomorrow may be gone

This is a moment of belief
This is a moment made of dreams
You found me here today
On the coldest winter night
This moment is our right

Now, Helena tell me all
The years we've been apart...
Did you hear the mountain fall?
...my broken heart
Don't wake me if I'm dreaming
Hush, my dear
Because tomorrow may be gone

Lost in the present, I am sure
This is the moment, say no more
You found me here today
On the coldest winter night
This moment is our right

Interpretation :

After leaving Mephisto's castle, Ariel runs into Helena, who has been searching for him all this time. The love is still there, warm and strong. They both spend the night together and during this night, Helena conceives Ariel's child, though neither is aware of this.


I am breathless,
Need I say
How could you find me here?
You, of all, have crossed my way
Unexpectedly...from where?
I feel like I am dreaming
Hold me close,
Tomorrow may be gone

Ariel is surprised and breathless. Never thought he'd run into his lost love. It all seems like a dream to him.

This is a moment of belief
This is a moment made of dreams
You found me here today
On the coldest winter night
This moment is our right

Ariel is happy to be with Helena.

Now, Helena tell me all
The years we've been apart...
Did you hear the mountain fall?
...my broken heart
Don't wake me if I'm dreaming
Hush, my dear
Because tomorrow may be gone

Love is all around. Ariel doesn't want to wake up from this "dream". Because he might not be there tomorrow. During this night, Helena conceives Ariel's child.

12.
Lost & Damned (4:55)

Helena you came to me
When seemingly life had begun
Little did I know then
Where this would go
When this begun
Once I was free to fly...
I never promised anything
This may well be goodbye

Don't ask why
Don't be sad
Sometimes we all
Must alter paths we planned
Only try understand
I want to save you
From the lost and damned

Although you hold me close
I feel retention arise
Just as a hint of fear
Like subtle clouds
In summer skies
Once in the moonlight...
I can't explain
And I don't know
Somehow we may reunite

Don't ask why
Don't be sad
Sometimes we all
Must alter paths we planned
Don't forget what we had
But let me save you
From the lost and damned

Love means nothing to me
If there is a higher place to be

Helena don't you cry
Believe me; I do this for you
Heed my decision now
I will be gone tomorrow noon
My tale has just begun
Nothing can take my faith away
In my quest for the sun

Don't ask why
Don't be sad
Sometimes we all
Must alter paths we planned
Leave me behind, don't look back
Because deep within you know
I'm lost and damned

Interpretation :

The "break up" song. Ariel tells Helena that they can't go on. They have to part ways. Tells her not cry. He's trying to save her by letting her go. He knows that the deal with Mephisto might prove painful for Helena. His actions may hurt her. He loves her, but he holds his quest/answers much higher than the bond they share.


Helena you came to me
When seemingly life had begun
Little did I know then
Where this would go
When this begun
Once I was free to fly...
I never promised anything
This may well be goodbye

Helena came back into Ariel's life when his life had begun, as in, life after signing the deal with Mephisto.

Although you hold me close
I feel retention arise
Just as a hint of fear
Like subtle clouds
In summer skies
Once in the moonlight...
I can't explain
And I don't know
Somehow we may reunite

Although they are together, but there is hesitation. Ariel is confused.

Don't ask why
Don't be sad
Sometimes we all
Must alter paths we planned
Don't forget what we had
But let me save you
From the lost and damned

He asks her not to be sad. Tells her to cherish the memories. He wants to save her, from the pain, from his actions.

Love means nothing to me
If there is a higher place to be

Here, he values his quest/answers higher than the bond they share. He still love hers, but he wants her to go.

Helena don't you cry
Believe me; I do this for you
Heed my decision now
I will be gone tomorrow noon
My tale has just begun
Nothing can take my faith away
In my quest for the sun

He wants her to go. He's doing it just for her. He genuinely loves her. But then again, his quest is more important.

13.
Helena's Theme (1:51)

(((Helena)))
I remember a song
From long ago
Some of the pieces
They remind me of you
How could I know
You were to leave me
I thought that I was that melody
Oh so wrong
I'm but a whisper tonight

And if this is goodbye
I will leave
But I'll love you
Until the end

(((River Spirit)))
If the grace of God is real
And the word of Christ can heal
Bring their souls to heaven's light
Bless the unborn child tonight

Interpretation :

A very very VERY tragic song. Distraught, Helena promises that she will always love him, even in death. And drowns herself in the nearby river, and the child in her womb as well. The river spirit prays to God. Helena and the unborn child ascend to Heaven. One thing I noticed, the track number is "13". Evil and inauspicious. Her death.


14.
Interlude IV (Dawn) (0:28)

(((Town Crier)))
Hear ye hear ye! The lady
Helena has committed a sin.
Now death lies on her, like an
untimely frost upon the
sweetest flower of all the field...

Interpretation :

As dawn rises, the town crier anounces the death of Helena. Her body is found in the river. Her innocence/purity is portrayed so perfectly here. "Sweetest flower of all the field"


15.
The Mourning After (4:59)

I just had a dream
She was by the riverside
Alone and dressed in white
Paling in the cold
Walking on the icy face
On memories of glory days

Carry on
Carry on
Meet me on the other side
Once the mourning after turns to day

Carry on
Carry on
Keep on to the other side
The mourning after slowly fades

How could I have known
Just the thought is simply wild
In her womb...a little child
I am left to roam
On the surface of a dream
In a world that can't be seen

Carry on
Carry on
Just you carry on
Till the mourning is over

Carry on
Carry on
Just you carry on
Till the mourning after leaves

Interpretation :

In a dream, Ariel witnesses the death of Helena and the unborn child. Confirmed by the Town Crier, Ariel is bewildered. He grieves for them. But he must carry on with his quest. It would be a dishonor not to fulfil the quest for which he left her, and for which she took her own life. He carries on.


I just had a dream
She was by the riverside
Alone and dressed in white
Paling in the cold
Walking on the icy face
On memories of glory days

Ariel talks about the dream where he witnesses the death of Helena. She's dressed in white, and all alone. And the river is icy.

Carry on
Carry on
Meet me on the other side
Once the mourning after turns to day

Carry on
Carry on
Keep on to the other side
The mourning after slowly fades

He carries on with is quest and tells her to wait for him at the other side.

How could I have known
Just the thought is simply wild
In her womb...a little child
I am left to roam
On the surface of a dream
In a world that can't be seen

He had no knowledge of the unborn child and the thought that the child died along with her, drives him insane. Now he's all alone, wandering in a cold world.

16.
III Ways To Epica (6:17)

(((Mephisto)))
When you play with fire
You must anticipate some burns
Chasing for desire...
It's just a different way to learn

(((Ariel)))
I am defected from God
(((Helena)))
God had seized my soul
(((Ariel)))
So low redemptions too far
(((Helena)))
I am heaven's sheen
(((Ariel)))
She's the one that I loved
(((Helena)))
Love is all around
(((Ariel)))
And she tore me apart
(((Helena)))
The dark can never win

(((Mephisto)))
All that I require
Is some trust as the pages turn
I can take you higher
Cause your will is my concern

(((Ariel)))
So long...maybe forever
I must carry on
Why did God take away
That one thing I wanted
Maybe God is the melody
We all serenade

(((Mephisto)))
You would not feel sadness
If you never tasted joy
That's the curse of humans
Born in passion you destroy

Interpretation :

Now this is one epic song. The conclusion to the first part of Faust. And this album. In this song, Mephisto talks about the 3 ways to Epica, the place where Ariel can find his answers. The first way, the first lesson, teaches about how one can learn only from his own mistakes. The second lesson talks about trust. Although, it could be a trick. Mephisto asks Ariel to trust him, for Ariel's will is his concern, and he can take him to a higher place. The third lesson talks about happiness and sorrow. Sorrow is just as much part of life as happiness. And it's more like a curse on humans.


(((Ariel)))
I am defected from God
(((Helena)))
God had seized my soul
(((Ariel)))
So low redemptions too far
(((Helena)))
I am heaven's sheen
(((Ariel)))
She's the one that I loved
(((Helena)))
Love is all around
(((Ariel)))
And she tore me apart
(((Helena)))
The dark can never win

Here, Ariel blames God for everything. He is beyond redemption. He can't overcome the sorrow. He is the reason of her death. He truly loved her. Helena is now in heaven, "the sheen", the brightness, the luster. She says that love is the only truth and against it, darkness can never prevail.

The story of Epica ends here.


Ariel's search for truth landed him in a deal with Mephisto. Under this deal, Mephisto gives him power and all the worldy pleasures. In exchange, if Ariel ever experiences a moment in which he wishes to stay forever, Mephisto will receive his soul, thus granting him a place in Heaven.
Since Helena's death, Ariel has been overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow, leaving him in a very very weak state, a state of despair.

All Mephisto has to do now is claim Ariel's soul, in any way possible.
Helena, watches over Ariel.

What happens next is beautifully portrayed in The Black Halo. It's a very very dark album. And it's all the more epic.

Download the album here.


Saturday, September 20, 2008

Walk Walk Walk

Heh. 19th September. What an awesome day. Adventure, in every sense.
So I wake up. And it's raining. Like heavily. I have to be at the Club Mahindra HQ by 11am. Summer training, tele marketing calls. Sucks to the core. I somehow make it. All wet though. Like literally wet. No, not in that sense. As in, wet, rainy wet. For the first time ever, I totally hated teh AC. I was already wet, and it was like so friggin' cold in that room. The only thing hot in that room was uuuh our training teacher. Offered us coffee. And I was like "oh wow coffee" drink drink. And after drinking, I realized that I was fasting. Selfpwn. And the funny thing is, after I was done with the coffee, she asked me "You don't fast?". Pissed me off so bad. I mean. She could've asked me the same thing before offering the coffee. But then again, she was hot. And I was like "No no, not today." Heh. Women. So seducingly evil.

Evening, it's still raining. Like heavily. I somehow make it to the auto stand. It's a battle ground. People literally humping autos. No chance. I can't imagine myself sitting in the lappy of a 45yr old "chubby&wet" aunty. Skip. Move on to the main road. Same scene. People humping rickshaws. And now I need to piss. I could hear my bladder crying. So I call up my cousin. She works at an MNC. I went there, all wet. I didn't go to the toilet. We both left. And after walking for a while, I said "I need to piss". I just couldn't hold it in there. So we went back. And there I was, pissing in the toilet of an MNC. What an awesome feeling it was. She stayed. She had other plans I guess. I left.

I must've walked around 10kms in heavy rain. The real creepy adventure started now. So I was standing outside her office. No autos/rickshaws. So I walked, and walked, and walked. And I walked all the way to home. 2-3 hours I guess. And it was still raining heavily. The only thing that scared the shit out of me were those electricity cables. Brrrr. And ofcourse, the traffic.

Epic day it was. Once in a lifetime thinger. I'm so proud of myself >_> I'm sad about only one thing though. The coffee thing. Sigh.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

A Sign

An intimation of your love.
Hides behind a disguise.
Your presence, so phlegmatic.
Leaving you, unwise.

Can't stop staring.
Wonder what you're thinking.
Looking from behind the curtain.
The poison, I keep on drinking.

A sign, you think of me.
Alone, all by yourself.
Stare at my photograph.
There, in your hands.

Wash my feelings away.
Another sip of poison.
Look through the glass.
Wait for another sign.

Push the memories away.
They return, so vivid.
The poison in my veins.
Fail to turn them black.

Soothing words once said.
Passionate deeds once done.
Take me back to the time.
Where I felt complete.

The candle that burns.
Slowly fades away.
Wax fills my empty heart.
Tomorrow I may never wake.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Spiritual Midgets.

Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, were created by God in the heavenly Garden of Eden.
God created Adam out of dust, and then Eve out of his rib. Strange. They were allowed to live in this garden but weren't allowed to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Now this Tree of Knowledge offered the ability to understand good and evil, something which only God could do at that time. On the other hand, there was the Tree Of Life.
Fruits of this tree offered immortality, a spiritual connection with God at a higher level. Sadly, Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, and made Adam eat as well. Forever they were banished from the Garden Of Eden, for disobeying God. They were tempted to eat, all thanks to the serpent, as in, Satan. Yes, Satan lured Eve into eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. God gave them a choice. Had they not eaten from that tree, things would've been different. Now, instead of receiving, they had to earn. Earn everything on their own, from scratch. That's what humans do.
For their sin, we are paying. Fair?
We wouldn't be here if they didn't fall for the serpent's trap. Adam and Eve would still be living in the Garden Of Eden, on a spiritual level.

It's quite funny actually. God created man, someone who could disobey Him. Why would He do that? Satan tempts us. God tests us. Like really, what is going on here? God and Satan, both seem like two little kids or uuh midgets fighting over an action figure :/
That action figure be us, humanity.

God has given us a choice. Worship or face the wrath, as in Hell. This doesn't seem like a choice. Seems more like "Follow the system or else you're screwed". Why not any other option? Like maybe "Live, do whatever you want to, I don't care" :S
God wants us to worship Him. Remember Him. Love Him. Fear Him. Praise Him. Extreme Narcissism?

God and Satan, two good friends. I don't know why I believe in that. Satan tempts us to do unholy things, drive us to the edge of insanity, and then we kill, others and ourselves. That's how it's done. People die, and we say, it was God's wish. Or maybe, Satan forces us into the whole killing thing, and then God kills us. Murderers eh? Or maybe it's their way of controlling population :S

If Jesus died for our sins, then why is there suffering all around? Why is God testing us all the time? What is the purpose of life? To pass His tests? That's it? And what do we get in return? Heaven? An imaginary place? An illusion? We don't even know if it exists. Fail the tests, and you are on your way to Hell. Why do Heaven and Hell exist? Why not something else?

I see a pattern, a system in every religion.
1. There is God.
2. There is Satan.
3. There is the Heaven and Hell concept.

And all these lead to only one conclusion.
Gods don't create religions. Religions create Gods. Satan and God are complimentary to each other. Without Satan, God wouldn't exist. Without God, Satan wouldn't exist. It's like an authoritarian system. Under authority, under God, we feel safe and secure. And some like to break free from this system.

/end of gibberish

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Oh so

You in front of me.
Oh so curvaceous.
The sparkle in your eyes
Oh so glorious
Your crimson red lips.
Oh so luscious.
Your breath on my skin.
Oh so pervious.
Your lips on mine.
Oh so infectious.
My every sense.
Oh so delirious.
In each others arms.
Oh so tenacious.
Sing the song of love.
Oh so melodious.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Only You

You deserve better, is all I hear from you.
I don't want better, for there is nothing as such.
I replace the pain, I replace the tears.
With memories that I'll always hold inside.
I'll do anything, for a place in your heart.
I'll give up everything, just to be with you.
I'll hold on to you, until my last breath.
If it's my fate, then forever I shall wait.
I don't want better.
I want only you.
Ahem <3

Sweet Death

You showed me love.
Just an inch of it.
I flew with you, spontaneously.
To a place so beautiful.

But then you seized it.
Took it all away.
I'm falling now.
There's no one to catch me.

Lied to everyone.
Lied to myself.

Deceived life.
That I was happy.
Deceived myself.
That it will work out.

Forgetting how to breathe.
How to breathe without you.
Suffocation has taken over.
Waiting for the end.

Looking down a path.
The road less traveled.
So sharp, so crimson and red.
I need it more than anything.

All I drink is pain.
Every drop of blood drained.
Pain shooting through my body.
Through every vein.

I wait for your slightest whisper.
But you can't hear me screaming your name.
And in these dying moments.
I crave for your love, but in vain.

Moonlight


Chased by ferocious wolves,
In a never ending forest,
Blood red clouds above,
I run, with all my strength...

Trapped in the midst,
Surrounded by death,
I close my eyes and pray,
For the inevitable pain to vanish...

The clouds disappear,
The howling fades away,
Moonlight falling on me,
The surrounding so serene...

Waiting for us to become one,
Starting to despise daylight,
Never want it to come,
You are my moonlight...

My Everything

Won't let this die.
Everything's nothing without you.
I'll wait till my eyes turn dry.
To hear those words from you.

It's true.
Without you, I'm nothing.

My heart and soul, these words are.
Bleeding heart, you'll never know.
So close to me, yet so far.
I won't ever let go.

It's true.
Without you, I'm nothing.

Hold me as I fall apart.
Whisper sweet nothings.
Mend my broken heart.
You are my everything.

It's true.
Without you, I'm nothing.

Heaven On Earth

I see my face in your eyes,
You see your face in my eyes,
We embrace each other,
Our hearts beat as one,
Your warm breath,
On my cold skin,
Cleansing me of all my sins,
We stand under the naked moonlight,
Countless stars above,
With you it's,
Heaven on earth, my love.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Bittersweet.

Words and deeds, sharp as a blade.
Scar my heart, forever the pain will stay.

Words and deeds, more beautiful than heaven.
Heal the wounds, I will never walk away.

Demons of the future, haunt my soul.
Serenity in thy presence.
Take to me a place, oh so peaceful.

Waiting for our souls to meet.
Everything so bittersweet.

Friday, August 22, 2008

I'm so awesome.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Po-emo

A poem I wrote last year. Please do LOL :/

I saw you walking down the road.
I looked at you,my mind trippin on words.
A second seemed like forever.
You passed me by,just like a beautiful season

I broke down into tears of blood.
I wish i could tell you.
How much i loved you.

I saw you walking down the aisle.
Looking like an angel fallen from heaven.
The smile on your face,my biggest happiness.
Couldnt make you mine,my biggest defeat.

I broke down into tears of blood.
I wish i could tell you.
How much i loved you.

Despair became my friend.
And happiness my foe.
I'll never forget that day.
Now I lie in this pool of blood.

I wish i could tell you.
How much i loved you.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Dreameth Cometh Trueth

I want these things.
God, be nice to me ^_^

1. Gibson SG Guitar


Used by many famous guitarists. Used by my Guitar God, Daran Malakian of SOAD/SoB.
Mahogany body and neck. This thing is saax. I wants. $800 :S

2. Jackson KVX10 X King V Electric Guitar


The shreddy look XD
Alder body, duncan design humbuckers, 3 way pickup switch, bolt-on neck, 24 jumbo frets, $500, droooooolz.

3. Xbox 360


Not boasting, but I ownz many gaming consoles. Not this one though. So I wantz.

4. Royal Enfield Thunderbird


Elegance. This "cruiser" makes me go la la la. Avenger and Enticer are suxx. This is the real thing.

5. Mitsubishi Galant 2001


I want to buy this car, and modify it. This car was meant for modding, only. ^_^
Replace the headlights with circular BMW lights. Omg how cool!
Spoiler, 27inchers, sideskirts, front and rear bumper, neon. Omg omg omg!

6. Maruti Swift


For some reason, I totally love this car. Whenever I look at it, I think about neons, vinyls, carbon hoods, bumpers, spoilers. Glossy black body paint, black tints, black alloys, red neon, underhood neon, red speedometer. ^_^

7. Dodge Viper SRT10 Coupe 2006




Thanks to Need For Speed :D
Been in love with this car for I don't know how long!

8. Lamborghini Countach 1982


Countach over Diablo, anyday.

9. Chevrolet Camaro IROC-Z 1988




Epic + Retro = Camaro IROC-z

10. Ferrari F40


Epic win.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

iGot LOLED, again :S

Yes, so my orkut profile is functional now. Bad Orkut server. No doughnuts for Orkut x(

Friday, June 06, 2008

05-06-08

7am
Grandma wakes me up. Friends at door. They tell me to get ready cos we gotta go and check out a few gyms. I get ready, no breakfast, and tell grandma and aunt that im going with friends to check out a few gyms. I go out, and they say "Why are you all dressed up? Where are you going?" It was all a joke. :|
These 2 guys are my only real friends here. I laugh it off. They go, and instead of going back home I go to a nearby ice cream parlour, sit their for an hour, eat some, and then back home.

---
830am
Turn on my PC, watch a few music vids, and then, I delete the "pawn" folder. 10gbs of prOn, all gone. It feels good. Very good.

---
10am
I get an email from X. Now, X is my very good friend. My first female orkut friend. We've known each other for over an year now. So umm, I get to know that her best friend of 15years has committed suicide and she's dead. X is a very sensitive girl. I feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do to make her feel good. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through.

---
1pm
I come to know that my mom isn't doing well, diabetes and all. 5000kms away, I feel so helpless, again...

---
3pm
For the next 3 hours, I try to sleep, but I can't.

---
6pm
I open Orkut, click on Login, and the next thing I know, my Orkut has been suspended, my "home", gone..
I open Facebook, click on login, and this is what I get - "Your account has been deactivated"
I get an email from a guy "Lol I hacked your account and deactivated it haha" :|

---
7pm onwards
Numb and idle. Don't know what to do, where to go. Luckily, one friend comes online on yahoo. I get an sms from him. Someone cares. I keep clicking on Inbox. Maybe someone will mail. Sadly, no one does.

---
Head down, I think about X, her friend, mom, Orkut and Facebook, it all seems like a joke. But as I slowly accept this bitter truth, I get this weird sinking feeling.

---
God has been very funny today. I know He's testing me and my patience. I won't curse Him. I won't question Him. Everything happens for our own good.

---
As I type, I realize that I have no one to talk to, no one to call or sms to.

---
"God, are you reading this?"
There's only one thing I want right now, and I'd do anything for it.
I want to hug someone and cry my heart out. Even if it's in my dreams, i'll be more than happy.
I miss my mom.
I miss my dad.
I miss my best friend.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I don't know what to do.
I have no where to go.
I'm numb...

iGot LOLED :/

"Other Issues Signing in: Unable to access a Google product

Your access to this Google product has been suspended because of a perceived violation of either the Google Terms of Service or a product-specific Terms of Service. Google reserves the right to suspend a Google Account from using a particular product or the entire Google Accounts system if the Terms of Service or product-specific policies are violated. Google also has the right to terminate your account at any time, for any reason, with or without notice. If your Google Account has been disabled, please review the relevant Terms of Service before attempting to create another account.

You may review the Google Terms of Service at http://www.google.com/terms_of_service.html; for specific product guidelines, please visit the homepage of each Google product you're interested in for a link to its Terms of Service."

My Orkut account has been suspended. Omgwtflol XD
I'll make a new one now >_>
Someone hacked my facebook account and deactivated it! Omgwtflol XD

My real virtual world is gone.
Ok, i'm screwed :|


Monday, June 02, 2008

PIYC

PIYC, pronounced as "Pik", stands for Piss In Your Chaddi. Derived by the one who should not be named, it is used when a person sees, touches, witnesses, feels etc etc anything that's insanely awesome and out of this world, and which literally makes him/her/him+her piss in him/her/him+her chaddi.
(For international users, chaddi = underwear)

For instance..

"Omgwtf! That band is so PIYC! (PIK)"
"Waaooww! She's so PIYC!"
"You heard that album? It's so PIYC."

And yes, please do mention the name of the one who should not be named whenever you use this gr1m and kvlt term.

This post is so PIYC.
kthxbai.

prOn + Vodafone = prOnofone

Yes, so liek when you activate EDGE/GPRS on Vodafone, you keep getting links in your inbox, as in, Free pics, wallpapers, ringtones and all. That's cool. Liek fEr ReAl >_>

A few months ago, I accessed an "adult" site on my cell, and since then I have been receiving "kinky links". For instance.

Nazare
Haseen nazaron ka luft uthaye apne mobile..Click kare *link*

Bollywood Queens
All Bollywood Queens photos and ringtones! Click on link *link*

Sizzling
Sizzling Models for your mobile! Click on link *link*

Phoren Item (Phoren, seriously, it was PHOREN)
Andaz hai PHOREN ITEM ka nirala, banaye inhe apna..click kare *link*

Rangeela
Rangeeli hasinao ko download karne keliye click kare *link*

Pamela Anderson (Got this 5 times, don't know what's with Vodafone and Pamela)
Pamela Anderson's unlimted FREE photos on your mobile for 1 hour! Click on link *link*

Cheer Girls
Cheer girls se sajaye apne mobile ko. Click kare *link*

Sometimes, I get religious links too :/

Vodafone tracks you. They even read your messages! I came to know this from an insider. Umm, ok, my cousin works there. And since the day she has told me about this, I stopped visiting kinky sites :S

Vodafone owns me :(

JLT.

A few days ago, I had this conversation with a friend.

Me : Oyeeeee
Him : Hola! Sup?
Me : Nothing much, how come you onlien today?
Him : Jlt.
Me : Jlt?
Him : Lol dude Jlt.
Me : :/
Him : Omg! Noob, you don't know JLT?
Me : Err....no.
*more pwnage*

And I got a scrap from a friend.

"Nothing much, jlt."


So what exactly is JLT?
JLT means Just Liek That. How cool eh? And I did not know :/
Now JLT could also mean, umm, John Loves Toys.
Or maybe Jamaica Loves Tutankhamen.
This is so cool.
How about LOL?
Love Of Lemons, Love Of Lizards, Lizards On Lemons, Loving Obese Ladies, Lots Of Licking.

How about LMAO?
Leave Me Alone Ok, Lend My Ass Out, Linux My Antichrist Overlord, Labeling My Aristocratic Orangutans.

How about OMFG?
Old Mens Fiery Genitals, Obese Motherly Funky Giraffe, Old Mexicans Found Germany.

ROFLWAFFLES!
Really Old Fat Lusty Witch Ate Forty Five Little Edible Sausages!

Omgwtflol! XD
Uncyclopedia is roxx.

4,2 and .............6

Yes. 4,2 and ......................6
I don't know, but I got this weird thinger for the numbers 4,2 and............6, since I don't know when.
4 seems liek a hot female, 2 a cool dude, and 6 an evil pervert.
So, I want 4 and 2 to always be together. Not 4 and 6.
Hence, I hate the numbers 46,64,146,164 and so on. And I love the numbers 24,42,124,142 and so on. 1 is neutral, and gay.
It always seems liek 6 is evil, and is always harassing 4, and 2 always tries to protect 4.
I totally love the number 426 >_<

Thursday, May 15, 2008

12:34 11:11 2:22 3:33 4:44 And so on...

For over an year now, this weird thing has been happening to me.
So like, whenever i'll look at the clock, it's always like, 12:34 or 11:11 or 2:22 and so on. I never wait, it just happens by itself :|
Thanks to InternetMan, did some googling, and got this.

So you see 1111, 111, 11:11, 12:12, or 4:44 all over the place? Too often to be mere coincidence? Well, you are not alone anymore. We think there are now over 1 million folks seeing these prompts today.

These prompts are caused by a group of fun-loving angels. What George Barnard originally called the Mille-Cent-et-Onze. In fact George first saw the 11 past 11 time signals well before the invention of the digital clock. But it's much easier to spot these digital prompts these days.

The 11:11 Wake-Up Calls on your clocks, microwaves and VCR's are the "trade-mark" prompts of a group of just 1,111 fun-loving Spirit Guardians, or Angels. Once they have your attention, they will use other digits, like 12:34, or 2:22 to remind you of their presence. Invisible to our eyes, they are very real physical beings.

Our earthly 1,111 Angels, often called "Midwayers," have been assisting folks of all walks of life for many centuries.

This is so weird :S

Monday, March 24, 2008

.......

People say life is a gift. Agree, but I want to unwrap this gift. Often people don't "unwrap" this gift (life), and cherish it, and say "Ahh! It's such a beautiful gift". Maybe they don't want to unwrap. I want to, I want to unwrap this gift, and appreciate it in it's full glory.

Weird, i know.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Questions..

*Listening to Kamelot's Abandoned*

Who am I? Who are you? What am i doing here? What are you doing here? Why are we here? Why am i writing this? Why are you reading this? Is this a waste of time? Or will this change your life? Forever? For a day? For an hour? For a minute?

My mind is empty. There are no thoughts. Just questions. Questions with no answers. I'm thinking about something right now. Yes, right now.

"What if I make stupid grammatical mistakes in this post? People will make fun of me."

I have no answer. Or maybe I don't really care. Why should I care? I have no answer.
I'm lost. It's like I have reached a dead-end. It's a dead-end to me. This dead-end is like a huge wall made of bricks, countless bricks. These bricks are like questions. I stand here, and I go through each question, but in vain. I try to ignore a few questions. Somehow I manage to break through this wall and the next thing I know, i'm drowning in an ocean. I'm drowning in these questions. I call for help. Far away, I see a ship, there is hope. I try to swim. The ship moves further away, and disappears. My answer is gone. Strange....

What exactly did the above para mean? I have no answer.
Maybe I will talk about my personal life here. I think I will. Why? I have no answer.
This post makes no sense at all. There is no logic. I'm typing whatever that's on my mind.

My name is Amjad. I'm 21. And this is my story.

I grew up in Saudi Arabia. SA be my birth country. I'm an Indian. Proud to be one? No.
Childhood memories, they make me smile. I've always been a very shy kinda boy. An introvert,also. I don't talk much. I don't socialize. No, I'm not depressed. I don't slit wrists. It's just that i want to be alone. Alone with my own thoughts.

Life before 2005

I remember, during my school days, I didn't have many friends. "Hi! How are You?" kinda friends were many. But only 2 were very very close to me. They still are. Family , friends, birthday parties, video game parlors, skateboarding, football matches, tuitions and stuff like that. Internet, for me, was for music only back then. I didn't have time for internet to tell you the truth. Life was so exciting. Had no time for the gf/bf thing. Didn't like it anyways. 10 years ago, I met my best friend. Will always be thankful to God. He is more like a brother to me. He's in Delhi now, and happy. He has friends now. I don't have a problem with that. In fact, I'm happy for him. We talk on the phone sometimes. It makes me feel good. We both have so much in common - videogames, music, skateboarding, talking about almost anything and everything. Weird thing is, we never fought with each other. 10 years, all full of "LOLS" and "ROFLS". We were also known as "The Dew Boys", a Mountain Dew can, always in our hands.

Life after 2005

29th Dec,2004. The day I left Saudi Arabia. I remember, it was around 7pm when I hugged him, for the last time. For the first time in 10 years, we hugged each other in a not-so-gay manner. It was a weird feeling, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. We just laughed. It's been over 2 years now.
At the airport, it was a different scene. It was terrible. Mom couldn't stop crying, sister had tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. Hugged mom and sis, and then dad. The moment i was about to hug him, i looked him in the eyes, wet. I hugged him, he said "Don't worry. Be good. Take care" and his voice started to tremble, and he broke down. A strong man, crying. I controlled myself. I laughed a bit, made a joke, he started to laugh too. And the next thing I know, I'm sitting in the departure lobby crying like a baby, that was a funny scene. I miss them so much now. I wish i could turn back time, and take away all the pain that I've given them.

Life here in India is completely different. I live with my Grandma and Aunt now, in a very old house, it's almost a century old. Strange eh? I don't have a room of my own. There is no privacy here. I hardly go out. I don't like my relatives. I don't trust them. I have a relative in almost every locality here in Lucknow. So I'm under constant surveillance wherever I go. College friends, I have none. The last bench belongs to me. I hardly talk in class. I don't know why. It's like I'm invisible in class or something. I wake up, goto college, come back, and them I'm online. Enter Orkut.

The Orkut Life

For some reason, I'm thankful to Mr.Orkut for making this awesome social networking site. I've been on Orkut for almost 2 years now. Made hell loads of new friends. I started treating them like real friends.(My real social life is still non-existent). Some stayed, some deactivated their accounts. Some I don't trust, some I do. People ask me "Why are you always online?" I have no answer. And I'm online for almost 6-8 hours everyday. When I log off, I check my scrapbook again through my mobile. I don't know why. Some say, "Go make REAL friends". But where should I go? College? Where no one gives a shit? Where everyone's busy with their love thing? Where else?
Today, I sit here, 20 scraps, pending replies. Why am I not replying? I have no answer. Why is my "pimped" profile empty? I have no answer. Friends think I'm deactivating my account. I'm not. Why am I acting this way? Maybe I want attention? I have no answer. For a minute, I want the whole world to stop, just freeze.

What's the purpose of life? Why are we here? Do you wonder? I do, now.
I think about my future. I think about my parents. I'm there only hope. They depend on me. They are 5000kms away, in a room, thinking about me and my future. And here I'm, listening to music, talking to friends, downloading stuff. Why am I doing this? What if I die tomorrow? What if I die today? My virtual friends, they will never know. In time, they will forget.
We often tend to neglect our parents and their dreams. We pretend that we care and all, by going to college and studying. Do you wonder what people will say once you are dead? As in today? I know, for me it will be like this "He was a decent kid. He was on the computer all day long though,listening to music." I know this for sure. I goto college, I study. But the society always ignores the "good" things. I'm not good at anything, be it studying, gaming, guitar. What am I going to do? How will I survive in this world? How will I support my parents, my "future" wife and kids? How?
I'm looking for a change. I'm looking for answers. I've already found the answer to one question, and it's solitude.
Listen to me,yes, YOU. Love your parents. They've always been there for you. It's your turn now. I did hate my parents when I was a kid. Now I don't. Whatever they say, I know it's for my own good. It always is. Think about those who've lost their parents, and consider yourself lucky. Friends, they come and go. Not parents.
And if you think your parents hate you (sometimes they do), be good to them. No matter how "evil" they get, remember, they are the reason why you are here, in this world.
I believe in God. He is my Saviour.
I want to runaway from everything. I want to disappear.
I'm entering a different world. Maybe I will return. Maybe I will not.
I'm lost. Everything seems so lifeless now.

Why did I type all this? Why did I talk about my personal life? I have no answer...

Sunday, February 24, 2008

RIP ChunniLal


I am so sorry. Forgive me.
Will miss you...

Friday, January 18, 2008

Kamelot - Abandoned

Once my life was plain and clear
I recall
Once my ignorance was bliss
Nightfall came
Like a serpent’s kiss
To my troubled mind

Why... oh why my god...
Have you abandoned me
in my sobriety
Behind the old façade
I'm your bewildered child
So take me cross the river wide

Binding promisses were made
On my soul
Grand illusions lead astray
Ice cold winds swept my heart away
bring me back to you

Why... oh why my god...
Have you abandoned me
in my sobriety
Behind the old façade
I'm your bewildered child
So take me cross the river wide

I remember a song
like in a dream
Where September was long
And winter unreal

Why oh why my God above
Have you abandoned me
in my sobriety
Behind the old façade
I'm your bewildered child
So take me cross the river wide

Thursday, January 17, 2008

How To Get Famous In Lucknow.

1. Form a band
2. Cover songs from mainstream bands (LP,Greenday,Jal,Nirvana,Metallica and some unholy indian stuff)
3. Create a community on Orkut.
4. Send invites/spread the word
5. Perform at some lame ass mall (crowd=uncles,aunties,kids and emo garlz)
6. More performances.
7. Talk shit about other bands.
8. Talk to emo garlz from the comm.
9. Get laid (highly unlikely)

And voila! you are now a musician with a fan following!

There is quantity, but no quality.